bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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