My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
