Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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