whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
