Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
