At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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