WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
