So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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