he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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