He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
