you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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