Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she pinky promised me she was 18
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
