Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
