remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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