He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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