I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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