Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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