I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize