I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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