I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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