when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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