I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ladies don't puke and tell
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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