omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The air taste purple.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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