we're blogging at a bar
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
