Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
