You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize