Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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