two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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