I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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