How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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