i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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