no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
