Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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