she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
