you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
