Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Farmville is her only friend.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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