woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
