Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
