I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
