i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
