you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize