I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
