I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
