wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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