sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
