I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
