Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
