those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I skipped work to stalk him.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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