The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the condom got lost in my hair
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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