Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize