I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
