strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize