New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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