I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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