my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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