mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
