u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
