i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
