now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
