I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
